Monday, May 25, 2009

Immediate Reaction

I needed to capture this feeling, because I don't know what it'll have turned into tomorrow....



2:34am

Connie
Hey kid, are you ok?

Robbie
yeah...
talking to ritchie
give me a sec

Connie
I am sorry.

Robbie
ok back

Connie
What is Ritchie going to do?

Robbie
he's driving up there
i don't know if he has a plan
he's going to find out about life insurance

Connie
that's ritch

Robbie
haha “well that's just rich...”
how are YOU doing?

Connie
I am worried about you guys
How about you?

Robbie
yeah, i haven't had any emotional reaction yet at all
i can’t tell if it’s still coming
or if i already did that

Connie
I am worried about money. Sad to say.
That's how I felt when my parents died.

Robbie
yeah. you were getting money from him, huh?

Connie
yes.

Robbie
yeah

Connie
Let me know if you need anything.

Robbie
k. thanks. i think i'll be ok
if he has insurance, then we’ll have a funeral for him, i guess. i don’t know who would come, besides his kids.

Connie
Work starts this next week, right?

Robbie
how did your talk go?
yeah on friday
if there's a funeral, i won't be able to make it

Connie
great. good spirit there

Robbie
and not just because of money
good:)

Connie
That is ok.

Robbie
yeah
i really just didn't like dad, mom

Connie
I doubt that any of your brothers but Ritchie will go

Robbie
nicole will make randy go
if they even have one

Connie
I know. You will grow to love him as life goes on.

Robbie
they asked ritchie what he wanted done. he said to take his organs

Connie
what?!?

Robbie
so weird to be responsible for a body like that
poor ritchie, responsible for dad even now

Connie
They are so worn. I feel bad.
He is pretty shook up

Robbie
yeah. what are they going to use? his liver? heart? brain?

Connie
lol

Robbie
i do love dad
but i'm glad to have him out of my life.

Connie
That is how I felt about my parents.

Robbie
my bishop had counseled me to cut him off

Connie
I still do

Robbie
and it just seemed so cruel
this weight

Connie
sorry.

Robbie
because i worried that if his kids cut him off, he'd kill himself
but he made me so unhappy
and now i don't have to decide that

Connie
I think you can rest easy that he was in a good place when he died.

Robbie
yeah
he says he’s been clean for at least six months now, but you never know
i think so

Connie
And leave it at that

Robbie
i wonder how he died
Could be another suicide attempt. O.D.

Connie
probably a heart attack

Robbie
yeah
he didn’t leave any kind of warning
man
48 years old

Connie
drugs

Robbie
that's so tragic
just wore himself out

Connie
true

Robbie
it's a sad situation
but i feel i mourned him years ago
mourned who he was to me

Connie
we all did.

Robbie
yeah

Connie
You are ok in your feelings

Robbie
anyway, i am sure you are tired.
ha thanks

Connie
Yup. I wanted to see if you were here. Be good.

Robbie
thanks
love ya mom
talk to you later

Connie
I love you. Bye.

2:47am

4 comments:

n said...

Robbie-

I am so sorry. You just described how I expect to feel when something happens to my dad.

I know you lost the dad of your childhood a long time ago but I am so sorry just the same.

You are an incredible person and are so strong.

I hope you know I love you.

Love,
Nora

Weston said...

rise from the ashes

Vero Awesome said...

Oh my God. Your real dad died? That is never good news, no matter who he was. I'm sorry, Robs.

If you need anything, please call me.

Seriously.

Tara Bishop said...

I discovered you blog from the proposition 8 mail you sent on facebook forever ago. Sadly I had never noticed it. Now I just read this and I wasn't going to post anything because I feel 2 months behind and out of touch completely. I just wanted to say, I am sorry. And that you have always been in my thoughts as a key friend in my life. Thank you for that.