Toasterovens Need Not Apply

I hope enough time has passed that I can tell this story and totally razz my roommate about this funny thing he's done. At any rate, it makes me laugh, and I want to share it.

So Toasteroven decided to apply for a job at the Mexican restaurant where I work. I wasn't able to be there for the interview, but from what I can gather from both sides, the discussion included the following:

"Describe for me your favorite food."

"Oh, Gushers. They're made from dried fruit and they have juice inside. I sometimes eat like two boxes of them in one day."

"Okay, do you like Mexican food?"

"Actually, not really, but I can fake it."

When he recounted this to me, I couldn't help but laugh.

"Why did you tell them you don't like Mexican food?"

"Well, I thought they would value my integrity."

"Well, Toasteroven, you sure killed that the moment you said you could fake it. Why didn't you just fake it right then?"

"Oh. I didn't think of that."

Poor little Toasty. You just kill me sometimes, bro.

Note: think of this more as a historical fiction, since, as I said, I've had to recreate these conversations for which I wasn't present. You can still see why it's so funny to me, though, right? Maybe I should have waited until after he got that job before I shared this. Oh, well. You know I love you.

The Veil is Thin

Well, I was going to tell this story anyway, but since Novel Concept brought it up, here's the story of my discovery of my toaster oven:

I honestly didn't even know that the words "toaster oven" referred to something other than a toaster. I thought it was just a midwestern or old-people way of saying the same thing. Then one day a few weeks ago I had Uffish Thought and Novel Concept over at my house and Uffish Thought noticed my toaster oven, and commented on his/her jealousy of it. I was astounded. I'd noticed that something was there on the counter during the several months I'd been living there. From time to time I'd probably even looked at it. I'd never really paid too much attention, though. Over the next few days, I kept going into the kitchen and looking at it. Sometimes I'd tamper with it inquisitively, like when a monkey or raccoon stumbles upon a piece of modern technology, like a watch or laser gun. "How does it work?" I wondered. Eventually I put in some bread. It was great! I tried a bagel. Also great! I found myself trying all sorts of things in there. Everything came out so crispy and delicious. I no longer would need to plug in my Char-B-Cue every time I wanted a grilled cheese sandwich! So my question is why didn't I know about these appliances when I was growing up? Why am I just now discovering the toaster oven a year into college? And four months of being exposed to it on a daily basis? I guess I should just look forward to the time I have ahead of me, and not regret the time I've missed. That is my whole story for today.

Saintly Appliance

Toasteroven is one of the best people I know. Through and through. I knew I liked him, but I had no idea his friendship would be so good for me. I can't go into specifics, but I really just like the guy. He's so much wiser than I gave him credit for being, which was pretty wise. That makes me excited to get to know the other one better, too, because that's the same feeling I get from her. That's all, today. Tomorrow we'll talk about my brother's phone call, and the Drama Queen. This is not interesting to anyone else, is it? My friend Chris wrote a song called, "I rock so hard your pants blow off," and a sequel, "I rock so hard old people explode," and yet a third installment called, "I rock so hard your water breaks." That's how Toateroven rocks.

Toasteroven and L'afro

I have lots of friends. Boatloads of them. Sometimes, though, new people come around that I want to be REAL friends with. Not the kind where we hang out and junk, but the kind where if they needed something I'd want them to think of me. The kind that I can actually relate to and be understood by. I also think I'm good at quickly assessing people and seeing their goodness. And I see that in these two friends I've made recently. I don't know if they like me or if they ever will, but I have a respect for them both. Both are trying to do what's right, and that's really cool. TO is a guy, and I have lots of guy friends, but few that seem to understand the importance of life the way he does. Plus he has great taste in music and stuff. We might be roommates soon, and I think that would be good for me. We'll see what happens. And then there's L'afro. She's a girl. And I have lots of female friends, but not too many that I really think of as intellectually stimulating. L'afro seems like that type. Maybe I shouldn't get my hopes up, you know? On either of these cases. I just feel that a lot of people see me as just the guy who cheers people up, and never really try to learn what I'm about, and these are two people who are introspective, and maybe might be able to get me. They'll probably both read this and be like, "Dang, smurfs. You are obsessed. You hardly know us." But I feel like I do, or at least I want to. Yeah. So I'm nuts. Or at least lonely.