Have a stupid no-brainer survey.

1) Are you currently in a relationship or single? Yes.

2) Are you happy with where you are? I'm sleepy with where I am.

3) When you meet the right person, do you fall fast? I fall in love like I fall in dreams: I always wake up before I actually hit.

4) Have you ever cheated on someone? nope.

5) Do you believe that there are certain circumstances where cheating is acceptable? Maybe if you're playing spades and everyone agrees beforehand that cheating is okay as long as you don't get caught. My friend Tex and I used to play that way. But that's the only time I can think of.

6) Would you ever take someone back, if they cheated on you? I'm sure I will some day.

7) Have you talked about marriage with another person or have you been married? That's a negative. I've alluded to marriage but never just outright talked about it.

8) Do you want children? Are you offering me some? I only want my own, thanks.

9) If yes how many? As many as my wife can pop out before she collapses.

10) Would you consider adoption? I'm too old to be adopted and it's probably too late for me anyhow.

11) If somebody liked you right now, what do you think a cool unique way of showing you would be? Screw showing. What ever hapened to TELLING?

12) Do you enjoy a chase? We believe in being honest, true, chased....

13) Be honest, do you play the "game" when you are dating someone? If the game is Trivial Pursuit, then yes, always. And yes, this answer has multiple meanings.

14) Do you believe love at first sight exists? That's called you're both horny, like in Titanic or Romeo and Juliet or The Muppet Movie.

15) Are you a romantic? I'm a neo-classical.

16) Do you believe that you can change someone? Sure, you can change babies. In fact, you probably should, or they stink.

17) If you could get married anywhere, money not an object where would it be? Wherever I feel like that day.

18) [Question deleted by the smurfs for strong language and adult situations.]

19) Do you easily give in when you are fighting? I imagine I would if ever I were wrong.

20) Do you have feelings for someone right now, whether they know or not? I don't think so. I am trying to not be aware of that sort of thing right now, thank you.