Saturday, October 29, 2005

Campus Deer Problem

Here's a letter to the editor from the Daily Universe from the other day:

Campus Deer Problem

Some time ago I was walking home from campus in the middle of the day. Classes were in session. which eliminated foot traffic near the MARB, where I was walking. All of a sudden I heard a loud noise behind me.

There was not even time to look back before a deer bolted past me, about a foot away. This scared the living daylights out of me. I could have been seriously injured. BYU needs to take the problem of deer on campus seriously before someone gets hurt.

JASON WRIGHT
Orem

Well, here's the letter I just sent in response:

I am a deer. Some time ago I was foraging for sustenance near the MARB while classes were in session. I decided to cross the nearby road. As I was crossing I heard a shocking noise to my left.

There was scarcely time to get all the way across before a whiny freshman turned and yelled at me, about a foot away. This scared the living daylight out of me. I should have seriously injured him. Imagine my chagrine when a copy of the Daily Universe comes fluttering up to me in the wind while I'm eating the leaves off some shrubs the other day, and it opens up to a letter from that very student, complaining about my presence in his university. Well, I decided to write a letter complaining about his university's presence in my wilderness. Honestly, that kid probably clapped when Bambi's mom got killed. We deer have been very tolerant of you humans' presence here in our valley, and all we ask is a little respect in return. BYU seriously needs to take the problem of whiny, nature-hating humans on campus seriously before some deer gets seriously hurt. Seriously.

JOHN DOE

(SNAPPY SMURF)
Napa, California

Also, friends, be sure to check out Buh's new extra hilarious blog.

2 comments:

Chris said...

That was seriously, seriously funny.

buh said...

I almost caught a fawn once. It was stuck in a fence, but it freaked out so much before I got to touch it that it got loose.

I also got reallly close to catching a seagull. It was kinda close, so I charged at it. I was getting closer... closer... my arms were stretching and it's wings were flapping. But since birds can fly and I can't, (even though I have a bird name), it got away from me and probably tried to crap-bomb me.