Monday, September 05, 2005


I've decided to just post some things I've written in the past. These are my favorite entries from my other blogs and a poem from a while back. Meanwhile, i'm working on something really big, so enjoy these while you wait. This bit is from my whiterobbit blog, which I have decided to dicontinue:

Tuesday, May 17, 2005
A Guessing Game For You

Pinetree and I walked to Smiff's in the rain last night at about 3:30. And guess what I found there! Really, guess.

Ok, if you guessed "a new way of life," you're correct! Dingdingdingding!!!! Yes, that's right, friends and neighbors, I discovered the lifestyle that is known as "Hungry Man." A pound and a half of food for about two dollars. Hungry Man is my new cult religion. Like if my beer-battered chicken and cheesy potato wedges assigned me a wife and instructed me to move to the mountains, I so would. I'm shaving my head and drinking the punch on this one, folks. In other news, I helped an old lady take apart her screen door today. Part of me was imagining that it wasn't really her screen door, and I was just helping her steal her neighbor's screen to let all the flies in. My youngest brother will be here in a few hours. Man, I am happy, even though my throat feels like it has tiny little wolverines or badgers truculently trying to claw their way out like a tracheotomy. Nobody at efy seems to be taking me seriously when I tell them I can't be in charge of the dance instruction. Really, I have tried, and I can't learn to dance. It's my learning disorder. I'm dancelexic. Oh, well. They'll learn. The fools.

Wednesday, May 18, 2005

Last Requests
Today is a stay-in-bed sick day. I'm sapped, tapped, trapped. Oh snap. I haven't felt this bad in eons. My little brother is here. I think he's still asleep on my couch. I don't feel like going out there to check. Maybe he'll bring me some delicious juice or a french dip sandwich. Mmmm. And raspberry cheesecake. We went to the Nutty Putty caves last night. Except that we were relying on Betty to find the way. That and some directions we had that were written like this:

Left after gate
mile marker 7
straight on
lots of cows
Redwood road
big hill
all the way
S curve
second driveway

Needless to say, we did not even find the turnoff. Instead we pulled over and ironically had that bonfire that had been rained out the previous night. Can I just say how great it is to hang out with girls named Betty and Veronica? I love that. I almost forgot! Free frosty week happened! On Sunday The Ring Bearer and I went to Wendy's after midnight, and they were still giving out free frosties! "Well, how many can we have?" asked The Ring Bearer cordially.

"As many as you want," said the lady in the menu.

We conferred for a moment and then got six. No wonder I'm sick. I assert that I still feel a tad disconcerted any time we go to fast food here and all the employees are white. Damn white people, stealing all the minorities' jobs.

I know it's our constitutional right to bear arms, but I am crazy, sick, delusional, and seriously wondering if I can stretch that to include the right to fire warning shots into my ceiling in the general direction of the noise of my upstairs neighbor playing the guitar and singing loudly for up to eight hours a day. I hope my brother gets here soon with that cheesecake. Oh, wait, that was an imaginary scenario. Well, maybe I'll order out. Or maybe I'll just lie here and die. I'm afraid to fall asleep on my back lest I drown in my own snot. If I'm dead by tonight, somebody cancel my subscription to Entertainment Weekly. I don't want my bum roommates mooching off my cold dead body. If they want to learn about the most anticipated summer blockbusters and Hollywood's scandalous gossip, they can fork over the money themselves. Bunch of vultures.

Friday, May 27, 2005

Racherella Smurf
I worked for one hour today. I'm SOOOOOO broke. Oh, well, by the end of the summer I'll have money galore. I crashed L80's night last night with The Ring Bearer. Racherella bought me dinner. I love that girl. I don't think she realizes that I seriously would marry her. And go live in a trailer somewhere and be happy and poor and unemployed. No more Los Hermanos. We won't need to buy clothes; we'll wear the dirt from our land, and we'll subsist on berries that grow naturally in the back yard, like deer. And we'll have shot all the neighbors with our muskets, so no need to worry about getting the authorities called on us for dressing our adopted dozen black babies in nothing but Mother Earth. And I guess we'll shoot the deer while we're at it, so they quit eating our damn berries.


The Drama Queen said...

I like Hungry Man Dinners. Why don't they call them Hungry Person Dinners? Not only men eat a lot of food. I think I might write a letter.

Given said...

I have the greatest idea EVER!!! Okay, so usually I open your blog, remember I love the music then open a new window to continue your music. I just opened another window and though, maybe it will play to, and guess what? It does!! I have Nelly Furtada singing in a round and it's great! Will you PLEASE, put "row row row your boat" on here? It would be so fantastic!!!!

buh said...

You're super politically INcorrect and I love it; especially because you're so good at getting away with it. Ever tried walking around with wires sticking out of your backpack just to see if you get arrested? I'm sleepy. My cat is covered in flea powder. I want a number three from jack in the box. Hm... purple. Or maybe it's a #7.

BamaBeau said...

Well buh, smurfs can do that; they're like the the racial Pat.

el veneno said...

Given's idea seemed perfect but now I'm trying it and can't get the music to play..

buh said...

ahahaha! The racial it's pat. I love it.

BamaBeau said...

Buh, have you seen the mullet pictures? If not you certainly must.

blueshorts said...

Oh, how you make me giggle.