You really should read my last post, "Dude, Where's My Job?" before proceeding.
"Thank you for calling [Name of Restaurant] in Provo. This is Rachel. How may I help you?"
(All right! Rachel is an awesome and hilarious girl!)
"Yeah, Hi Rachel, this is [Smurf's real name]. I'm just calling to make sure I don't work tonight."
"Oh, hey, Smurf. You actually do work tonight."
"WHAT! You're freaking kidding me!"
"Haha, yeah, you're not scheduled to work. But actually the manager DID have me call your phone just now to see if you could work for Erin tonight."
"Oh, sorry, I have plans."
(The plans are watching a movie with Shoebox and the rest, but she doesn't need to know that.)
"So you can't work tonight?"
"And why NOT?"
"Well, I'm meeting with some other students."
(technically true, right?)
"Oh, and why couldn't you have done that yesterday when you weren't coming in to work even though you were scheduled?"
"Well, I just found out about it."
"Mmmmm-hmmmm. I bet."
"Right. What's that supposed to mean?"
"It MEANS that I don't believe you. ESPECIALLY after what you tried to pull yesterday."
"All right, all right. I feel bad enough about that as it is. I don't need YOU rubbing it in."
"Well I don't know who else is gonna rub it in for you."
"Dude, why are you giving me all this sass? And what's with this sassy accent? Why are you trying to sound black or something?"
"What do you MEAN why am I trying to sound black? I AM black!"
(Oh crap. This is my manager, and has been for about a minute now.)
"What you say 'Oh, crap' for?"
(Time to change tactics and apply some counter-sass.)
"Listen, woman, if you're gonna just grab the phone away and switch who I'm talking to, you best TELL a body. 'Cause Here I am all this time thinking I'm still talking to Rachel."
"Well? That ain't my fault! I tell you what, you pull this crap again I'ma fire your butt. And also, I don't even love you anymore."
"Sad. Well, I still love you."
"That's right you do. I just saved your job; you BEST be loving me."
"Oh, I do."
"You need anything else?"
"No, I'm good."
(I'm playing the meek card by now.)
"You need me to check your schedule tell you when you're coming in next?"
"All Right. You're closing cash with me tomorrow."
"Oh, man. I'm so glad it's you and not David. He doesn't do a very good job and we end up staying forever."
"Yeah, you just watch, I'ma have you outta here by 11:45 at the latest. At the LATEST."
"Oh, I know it. Everyone knows you're the best manager to close with."
"That's RIGHT I'm the best manager to close with. Which is why I love you again."
"You're the best, Alecia."
"I know it. See you tomorrow, and have fun at your made-up study group."
"I will. Bye."